JOKE BUT TRUE:CHURCH ATTENDANCE

By
Attendance in Church on sunday
1. Human beings = 85
2. Bible = 27
3. Phone Charger = 507.
4. Rechargeable lamps = 212.
5. Rechargeable Torch = 176.
6. Power banks 132.          
God is watching .

 Last Seen:

*Whats app*      _*1 min*_ ago🙃
*Facebook*       _*2mins*_ ago☺
*Twitter*            _*5mins*_ ago🙂
*Instagram*      _*10mins*_ ago😉
*Bible*             _*since 2009*_ 🙈
*Beer*               _*online*_😎
God is soaking your cane in crude oil..😀
Go to another group and announce to them🎙
🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DUTCH TOURISTS ROBBED,1 INJURED AFTER LANDING IN SOUTH AFRICAN AIRPORT

By
Image
Pragma UK A group of 36 elderly Dutch tourists were robbed by men posing as police just hours after they landed at Johannesburg airport for a three-week holiday, South African authorities said Tuesday. The tourists boarded a bus to take them to their hotel on Sunday evening, but they were apparently followed by armed criminals monitoring the terminal. The bus was pulled off the road by a fake police car, and at least one robbers was wearing a police uniform. “The men allegedly demanded their possessions and one of the tourists was injured and taken to hospital,” police said in a statement. Most of the tourists were in their 70s, and several were assaulted during a 20-minute ordeal that at least one described as “hell”. HIGH CRIME   “Most of the passengers are 70-plus. People panicked and even got firearms aimed at them. In two cases’ the trigger was pulled but the gun didn’t fire,” South African media quoted one tourist as saying. The bus driver and the to...
Read more

COURTS WON'T ALLOW YOUR RE-ELECTION BID,FALANA TELLS FAYOSE "IT IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL"

By
Image
AYO FAYOSE Human Rights lawyer, Femi Falana, SAN, has said that the Ekiti state Governor, Ayodele Fayose will not be allowed by the courts to contest again for Governorship position in 2018 ‎to serve his first term which was truncated in 2006 as a recent statement credited to him claimed. Fayose was impeached about seven months to the end of his first term in 2006, but the Supreme Court in 2014 reinstated him as the Governor of the state. As the Governorship elections in the state perches round the corner, Mr. Fayose has been reported to have said that he would seek a re-election to complete his first tenure which was truncated in 2006. He reportedly made the statement on Monday. FEMI FALANA SAN ‎However, the Human Rights lawyer, Falana, while reacting to Fayose’s claims said that the Governor’s bid to seek re-election was illegal and unconstitutional. According to him, “Tenure extension by a governor under any disguise is anomalous. No court can prolong the tenure of a sitt...
Read more

POPULAR SOWETO PASTOR'S WIFE CAUGHT BONKING A MAD MAN

By
Image
Soweto – A well know Soweto cleric’s wife,Mrs Dlamini Dube is under fire from the members of his husband’s church,Crown Of Grace Ministries after a 7 minute video of her having sex with a mad man emerges. According to critics,the unusual action of bon_king a mad man was described as a ritual  to attract new church members and lure existing members into pledging large sums of money to the new and less known tabernacle. ”No one in their right senses can be this foolish,the truth is that this shameless woman has an agenda to benefit from her husband’s new church,it won’t even surprise me if her husband gave her the go-ahead because a black man can do anything for money,as a nation we are going to the dogs and I’m really disappointed”,fumed one of the church members who chose not to disclose her name. According to a controversial video which originally started circulating on whatsapp,the cleric’s wife is seen ‘giving’ her ‘forbidden fruit’ to the mad man at the church’s premis...
Read more

SENATE ORDERS HOSPITALS TO TREAT GUNSHOT WOUND VICTIMS WITHOUT POLICE REPORT

By
Image
The Nigerian Senate has passed a bill that compels hospitals across the country to treat gunshot victims without demanding police report or monetary deposit. The bill titled, "Compulsory Treatment and Care of Victims of Gunshots" was passed during the upper legislative chamber's Tuesday's plenary session. The bill mandates security agents to assist individuals with gunshot wounds and ensure that they are taken to the nearest hospital for immediate treatment. President of the Senate, Senator Bukola Saraki, while passing the bill said most gunshot victims are not criminals. "By the passage of this Bill, the Senate has moved to ensure that every hospital in Nigeria, both public and private, must accept to treat victims of gunshot wounds without any clearance from the police. "What we have done is to ensure that everyone is entitled to medical treatment, irrespective of the cause of the shooting. "We should reserve judgment for the criminal justice system, ...
Read more

AIR MISHAP;1 DEAD,2 INJURED AFTER MILITARY CHOPPER CRASHES IN SOUTHERN MARYLAND

By
Image
One crewmember died and two others were injured after a U.S. Army Blackhawk helicopter crashed at a golf course in Leonardtown, Maryland, during a "routine training flight" shortly before 2 p.m. EST today, officials told ABC News. The survivors, in critical and serious condition respectively, were transported to the University of Maryland R. Adams Cowley Shock Trauma Center in Baltimore, the Army said. The cause of the crash remains under investigation, the Army said. "We are deeply saddened by this loss within our community," said Maj. Gen. Bradley A. Becker, commanding general, Joint Force Headquarters National Capital Region and the U.S. Army Military District of Washington. "Our condolences go out to the families and friends affected by this tragedy, and our team is focused on supporting them during this difficult time." The UH-60 Blackhawk, from the 12th Aviation Battalion, was stationed at Davison Airfield in Fort Belvoir, Virginia.R.I.P br...
Read more

GOVERNOR NEARLY LYNCHED AS HE ENDANGERED SELF TO SAVE COLLEAGUES AIDE(SEE PHOTOS)

By
Image
THE LATE BELOVED SENATOR ISIAKA ADELEKE Ogun State Governor, Ibikunle Amosun, rescued an aide to Osun State Governor, Ms Idiat Babalola, from mob attack at the premises of the late Senator Isiaka Adeleke, on Monday. According to the Senior Special Assistant (Media) to Amosun, Mr. Adejuwon Soyinka, the crowd of sympathisers demanded that Babalola be made to leave the premises of the Ede,Osun State country home of the Adelekes. The irate youths said Babalola was being touted to become the running mate of the anointed candidate of the APC. Problem started when Babalola was sighted by the mourners who demanded that she should be sent out. Despite pleas from family members of the deceased , the youths insisted and started shouting and raining curses on her. see photos; SENATOR AMOSUN LEFT
Read more

MAN WHO KIDNAPPED OWN GF AND RECEIVED N200K RANSOM ARRESTED ALONGSIDE OTHERS

By
Image
Benue State Police Command has busted two kidnap syndicate of 8 including a Gang of 4 allegedly led by a woman believed to be an associate of the wanted militant leader, Terwase Agwaza, aka Gana, who a week ago abducted a businessman. The police operation also led to the arrest of three women whose responsibilities were to provide food for the victims, who was rescued alive. The businessman was kidnapped alongside his son, who was later released to source N20 million as ransom for his father.  The state's Police Commissioner, Bashir Makama, said: "During investigations, we discovered that the lady, who was arrested had the responsibility of pencilling down those to be kidnapped and those to be killed by the gang. They are all associates of Gana, the wanted militant leader. Also arrested, after reliable information, is one Victor Ayanngor, who conspired with Ordue Abraham, Kelvin Dankor and Emmanuel Terver to kidnap his girlfriend and collect N200,000 ransom."
Read more

MAN SENT TO JAIL FOR STEALING CATTLE

By
Image
A middle-aged herdsman, Auwalu Idi, has been remanded in Katsina prison for allegedly stealing 22 cows and one sheep entrusted to his care. The animals were allegedly stolen during an armed robbery attack by some hoodlums at a grazing camp in Zamfara State. The police told a Katsina Senior Magistrates’ Court that Idi’s absence and movement during the robbery operation made him a prime suspect in the incident. Idi was accused of three counts charge bordering on criminal conspiracy, breach of trust and armed robbery. The offences, according to the police, were contrary to Section 97 (312) of the Penal Code and Section 1(a)(b) of the Robbery and Firearms (Special provisions) Act, Cap R11, LFN, 2004. The police, however, said Idi was discovered to have sold the missing cows at Danmus...
Read more

INCEST AND ATTEMPTED MURDER:LADY IMPREGNATED BY HER FATHER,THROWS HER BABY INSIDE A WELL

By
Image
INCEST AND ATTEMPTED MURDER: LADY IMPREGNATED BY HER FATHER, THROWS HER BABY INSIDE A WELL A 55-year-old man in Gamawa Local Government Area of Bauchi State has been arrested along with his 20-year-old daughter for attempted murder.  The man,Abdulkadir Mohammed,was said to have had sexual intercourse with his biological daughter, Dije Abdulkadir which led to a baby born to both and then she threw the baby into a well.  The Commissioner of Police, Bauchi State Command, Garba Umar, while speaking to journalists in Bauchi, said the suspects were arrested by police officers attached to Gamawa Division.  Umar said, “The suspect gave birth to a baby girl and threw her inside the well with the intent to kill her. However, the timely intervention of well-meaning individuals in the area, who helped and rescued the baby alive, saved her life. The suspect confessed that her biological father impregnated her and they decided to do away with the baby. The suspects con...
Read more

MAYBE MUGABE LOVES ME BECAUSE I DON’T WEAR PANTS – SOUTH AFRICA SOCIALITE REVEALS

By
Image
Zodwa Wabantu It seems we are in the era of nudes as it's every where you look. South African socialite, Zodwa Wabantu has declared that the President of Zimbawe would like her because she does not wear pants. Wabantu who is known for wearing skimpy dresses without pants says she would like to meet Robert Mugabe. Currently in Zimbabwe, she said while making plans for the trip, fans from the country warmed her to dress properly when she arrives in Zimbabwe to avoid being banned because the President is a very strict and decent man. " People have been threatening me on Social media before I came here. They were telling me that Mugabe does not allow nonsense, as a result I won't be allowed into Zimbabwe, because I am too sexy and put on something revealing,half naked and that he knows that I don't wear panties " " Now that those people see that I am here and free, they begin to say that maybe Mugabe is one of those people that like me because I don't wear pa...
Read more