JOKE BUT TRUE:CHURCH ATTENDANCE

By
Attendance in Church on sunday
1. Human beings = 85
2. Bible = 27
3. Phone Charger = 507.
4. Rechargeable lamps = 212.
5. Rechargeable Torch = 176.
6. Power banks 132.          
God is watching .

 Last Seen:

*Whats app*      _*1 min*_ ago🙃
*Facebook*       _*2mins*_ ago☺
*Twitter*            _*5mins*_ ago🙂
*Instagram*      _*10mins*_ ago😉
*Bible*             _*since 2009*_ 🙈
*Beer*               _*online*_😎
God is soaking your cane in crude oil..😀
Go to another group and announce to them🎙
🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

OPEN HEAVENS DAILY DEVOTION

By
DATE: TUESDAY JULY 4TH 2017 THEME: HAVING A SERVANT SPIRIT           Memorise: For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? is not he that sitteth at meat? but I am among you as he that serveth. Luke 22:27   Read: Luke 22:24-27 22:24 And there was also a strife among them, which of them should be accounted the greatest. 22:25 And he said unto them, The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and they that exercise authority upon them are called benefactors. 22:26 But ye shall not be so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve. 22:27 For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? is not he that sitteth at meat? but I am among you as he that serveth.   Message: Signs and wonders easily flow in an atmosphere where authority is respected. The moment a person becomes rebellious or refuses to submit to the authority of leaders, God withdraws and so do His signs and wonde...
Read more

My sister’s husband forcibly had sex with me, my 2 sisters, witness tells court

By
Image
My sister’s husband forcibly had sex with me, my 2 sisters, witness tells court January 28, 2017     Metro A 17-year-old school dropout, on Friday, told a Jikwonyi Customary Court, Abuja, that her sister’s husband forcibly had sexual intercourse with her, and two other sisters. The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), reported that the teenager, who resides in Minna, gave the testimony as a witness in a divorce petition filed by her elder sister, Janet Suleman, against her husband, Philip Ogho. “When I was living with my sister, her husband attempted to sleep with me but I never agreed. Whenever I refused, he would beat me. “One day he asked me who I was, that he couldn’t have sex with me, claiming that he had had sex with my other two sisters living with them,” she testified. The witness said that her sister’s husband kept on maltreating her until she gave in to his request. “He kept on beating me, the day I could not bear it again I allowed him to sleep with ...
Read more

AKIHITO TO BECOME FIRST JAPANESE EMPEROR TO ABDICATE THRONE IN 200 YEARS

By
Image
Princess Masako and Crown Prince Naruhito attend the celebration for the New Year at the Imperial Palace on January 2, 2015 . Japan's much-loved Emperor Akihito will stand down on April 30, 2019, becoming the first Japanese monarch to abdicate his post in two centuries. The decision was made at a meeting of the Imperial House Council and announced by Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe on Friday. Crown Prince Naruhito, who has already assumed some of his father's duties, will take on the role on May 1, 2019, becoming the 126th Emperor to ascend to Japan's Chrysanthemum Throne. "I will do my upmost to ensure that the Emperor's abdication and the ascension of the Crown Prince will proceed smoothly with the blessing of all of our citizens," Abe said. In Tokyo on Friday locals expressed their sadness at the loss of their Emperor but pride in how he'd help mold the country in his image. "He became emperor when Japan was looking for a ne...
Read more

MAN IN CUSTODY FOR ASSAULT ON PREGNANT WOMAN

By
Image
MAN IN CUSTODY FOR ASSAULT ON PREGNANT WOMAN February 22, 2017; An Osun Magistrate Court sitting in Ile-Ife has docked one Dayo Adebayo, 29, for alleged assault on a pregnant woman.   The prosecutor, Sunday Osanyintuyi, told the court that the accused committed the offence on February 13, around 11:45 pm at Ehindi Street, Ile-Ife.Osanyintuyi, said Adebayo assaulted the woman named Blessing Monday, by hitting her with his fist across her face, causing various injuries.He added that the offence was contrary to and punishable under section 356 of the Criminal Code (Cap 34 Vol 11), Laws of Osun, 2002. The accused, however, pleaded not guilty to the offence leveled against him.Defence counsel, Mrs Innocent Akhigbe, therefore pleaded for the bail of the accused in most Liberal terms, promising that her client would not jump bail and would provide reliable sureties. Magistrate Risikat Olayemi granted the bail of the accused in the sum of 5,000 Naira with one surety each in like ...
Read more

NIGERIA`S 1`ST LADY CRITICIZES HEALTH CARE SYSTEM/SECTOR AND PRESIDENTIAL CLINIC

By
Image
Aisha Buhari The controversy over the poor state of State House Medical Center, has continued with the wife of the president, Aisha Buhari, as the latest to speak on the matter. She lamented the lack of drugs and equipment at the State House Clinic, insisting that the management must explain the use of fund allocated to the medical facility. Mrs. Buhari spoke at the opening of stakeholders meeting on Reproductive, Maternal, Newborn Child, Adolescent Health and Nutrition (RMNCAH+N), which held at the Banquet Hall of the Presidential Villa, Abuja. The First Lady’s outburst came two weeks after her daughter, Zahra, equally called out the State House Permanent Secretary, Mr. Jalal Arabi, on social media, asking him to account for the N3 billion. However, the Permanent Secretary, State House, Mr. Jalal A...
Read more

PETITION DEMANDING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO SHOLA GASKA NEE ADEFOLALU

By
Image
Petitioning  Mayor, Krakow, Poland. Jacek Majchrowski  and  1 other Justice for Shola Gaska (nee Adefolalu)! #JusticeforShola Ms Eyezee  Abuja, Nigeria A very healthy and active Shola Gaska (nee Adefolalu) was reported to have died on 28th December 2016 by her husband Jakub (Kuba, Qba) Gaska via a phone call from Poland to her elder sister in Nigeria. The accounts he gave on phone were sketchy and varied significantly. However, Shola's remains  were cremated on 2nd of January without any of her family members seeing her despite ALL entreaties to her husband to wait for them to arrive Poland and sight her corpse. He sent a highly questionable report  when asked for an autopsy report, when translated, it was understood to be a sort of  'death notification' (death certificate.)  the implication of which, may be that an autopsy may not have been conducted. Shola's ash was buried on 7th of January ...
Read more

NIGERIAN UN WORKER ARRESTED FOR ALLEGED STRINGS OF BANK ROBBERIES IN NEW YORK(PHOTOS)

By
Image
          A 53-year-old Nigerian man who works at the United Nations was arrested in connection with a string of bank robberies in Manhattan, over the past month and a half, law enforcement sources tell News 4 New York. The NYPD’s Major Case Squad arrested Abdullahi Shuaibu, of Queens, on Monday, April 17th, at his office at the Foreign Press Centers across from the United Nations building. Police believe he robbed banks while on work breaks.          Law enforcement sources say Shuaibu robbed a HSBC bank at 40th Street and Third Avenue on Monday and then returned to work shortly before he was arrested.They say he’s wanted in at least three other bank robberies.          Shuaibu is listed as a communication specialist at the U.N. He apparently works for the Panapress News Agency out of Nigeria. A photo on FACEBOOK shows him shaking hands with a U.N. official inside the General Assembly. Police believe ...
Read more

GUNMEN BREAK INTO PRINCIPAL'S HOUSE,SHOOT AND KIDNAP WIFE

By
Image
An armed gang has reportedly shot and abducted Mrs. Edith Moron, wife of the Principal of Gbanrainowei Grammar School, Okolobiri, Bayelsa State, Mr. Moron Pereowei. The hoodlums have started negotiating for a ransom with the family, following the incident which took place at about 2.am in the early hours of Friday at the victim's residence in Azikoro, Yenagoa local council. Numbering about 12, the gang reportedly gained access into the house of the school principal after breaking through a window in the room of the victim's younger brother. According to a family member who preferred to remain anonymous, the armed youths thereafter pointed a gun at Edith's brother, whom they used as a bait to ensure the principal and his wife came out of the bedroom. It was learnt that when the Principal and his wife came out, their attackers shot at the house repeatedly to make them realise that they were serious with the operation. The source said the kidnappers' target was the Princi...
Read more

KOGI GOVERNOR SEEKS ASSEMBLY'S APPROVAL FOR N11 BN SUPPLEMENTARY BUDGET

By
Image
Governor Yahaya Bello of Kogi state, in a letter to the State House of Assembly, is seeking the approval of a supplementary budget of N11 billion for the 2017 fiscal year. The governor said the budget would take care of certain areas of economic development that were not previously captured.(Kogi state has not recorded any singular form of development since the present government came into existence) Bello stated that the budget would enable his administration to continue to execute its projects and programmes.(EFCC please note) The governor said it will also address security issues and other obvious sectors' challenges that are within and outside the current approved budget. After reading the letter to the House, Speaker Ahmed Imam directed the Majority Leader, Mathew Kolawole to slate it on the order paper for consideration at the next legislative day. The House is expected to consider the governor's request when members resume sitting on 1 August, 2017.
Read more

OPEN HEAVENS DAILY DEVOTIONAL FOR SUNDAY 16TH JULY 2017

By
OPEN HEAVENS DAILY DEVOTIONAL  DATE: SUNDAY JULY 16TH 2017  THEME: LEGS ON VACATION?      Memorise: And he leaping up stood, and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God. Acts 3:8    Read: Acts 3:1-9 3:1 Now Peter and John went up together into the temple at the hour of prayer, being the ninth hour. 3:2 And a certain man lame from his mother's womb was carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple which is called Beautiful, to ask alms of them that entered into the temple; 3:3 Who seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple asked an alms. 3:4 And Peter, fastening his eyes upon him with John, said, Look on us. 3:5 And he gave heed unto them, expecting to receive something of them. 3:6 Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk. 3:7 And he took him by the right hand, and lifted him up: and immediately his feet and ankle bones receive...
Read more